


hanging by a thread [like a marionette]

by klarogasms



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, and then I'll break your hearts, it's all really sweet and tender, slight twist on the events of Deathly Hallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 02:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7600120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klarogasms/pseuds/klarogasms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pansy is the Queen of Slytherin. Lavender is the stupid blonde Gryffindor. And somehow, they fit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hanging by a thread [like a marionette]

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for the femmefest on LJ, and I went for a prompt in which Pansy and Lavender are spies in their seventh year at Hogwarts. This story turned out to be really minimalistic, but I do hope you like it anyway. Thanks to my very lovely beta reader Sejal for being the very best!
> 
> Happy Reading!

She was … flawless.

Well not really, but she held herself as if she were. She held herself as if nothing and nobody could ever hurt her, she held herself as if she could never do wrong, as if she was the standard that everybody had to measure themselves by.

She wasn't pretty, not in the classical sense at least. Her hair was short and dark, her eyes were wide  and doe like, almost comically big. Her skin contrasted starkly with her dark hair, making her look sickly most of the time. The tip of her nose was turned slightly upwards, making her look a bit pig-like if you looked from the wrong (or right, depending on whom you asked) angle. Her lips were full, but looked somewhat odd as her upper lip was fuller than her lower one.

And yet she was beautiful. Not necessarily if you looked at each of her features separately, but if you looked at the whole picture, if you looked at all of those things aligned perfectly on her moon like face.

Pansy Parkinson was beautiful, and she knew that she was.

She knew that the confidence she exuded made people look at her, made people view her as someone desirable, as someone they wanted to have a taste of. She basked in the attention people showered her with whenever they got too close and were caught in her web. She basked in the way that people weren't quite able to ignore her, the way they weren't quite able to take their eyes off her.

Pansy Parkinson was a predator, and she excelled in her art.

***

She was … average.

Well, not really, but she blended in. She was perceived as ordinary, she never really looked or behaved exceptionally. She was acknowledged, she wasn't unpopular, but she just didn't stand out all that much.

She blended in because she was pretty in the most classical sense possible. Her hair was long and blonde and wavy and looked good. Her skin had a soft rosy glow to it, making her look healthy and alive. Her eyes weren't small, but they weren't big either. They were as blue as the sky and yet as forgettable and average as a pebble on the ground. She had a nice nose and her lips were nice too. She was pretty, she was nice to look at. She wasn't remarkable, so she blended in.

And yet she stuck out. Not with her looks or her confidence but with her character. She was quirky and loud and girly. She was feminine in the most cliché sense and loved to play the stupid blonde that most people saw her as. She loved to squeal and be melodramatic and be able to show her emotions because people expected her to. She loved to spread gossip and play the cute innocent girl that people thought she was. She loved all of this because she was actually smarter than that, and people underestimating her would come in handy eventually.

Lavender Brown was anything but average, and she knew it. But that didn't mean that anybody else had to know.

***

They knew each other, of course they did. They’d been in the same Potions class for five years, they were in the same year for the sixth year in a row now. They'd hated each other on mere principle ever since Lavender was sorted into Gryffindor and Pansy was sorted into Slytherin. The fact that they were close to or even belonged to the most infamous rivalling trios Gryffindor and Slytherin had in years fuelled the hate between them. And the tiny detail that they fought on opposing sides of a war may have played into it as well.

Pansy Parkinson loved her friends. She was fiercely loyal to those she considered family, to those who were of her House. Draco, Blaise, and her were the Slytherin trio, they were the royalty of their house. Draco was the Ice Prince, Blaise was the beautiful and unapproachable Dark Knight and Pansy was the Gossip Queen.

Whenever new information reached the ears of the Hogwarts student body Pansy most likely already knew about it. But she wasn't the only Gossip Girl of Hogwarts, it was one of the things her and Lavender had in common. Both of them were exceptional when it came to gathering information about someone or something which interested them, both of them thrived when they were able to spread this information. Which didn't make them like each other any better, mind you. It was just one more thing they were rivals over.

Lavender Brown had a lot of people she considered friends. Most people were of her House, but she had some friends in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff as well. The only person who meant more to her than the rest was her best friend, Parvati. Her and Parvati were inseparable and loved each other like sisters.

And then there was Ron. Ronald Weasley. Lavender had a crush on him and he was cute and he liked the attention she showered him with. They were together for a while, and Lavender was protective of him, she was possessive because she considered him hers. But she soon realized that he didn't feel the same about her, that he used her to get to her room mate, Hermione. That he wasn't in their relationship with all his heart.

So she did what she did best and broke up with him in the most public and dramatic fashion possible, breaking out in tears in the middle of the Great Hall because he wouldn't return her affection. Screaming that she never wanted to see him again.

It was a bit much, yes, but the looks the other girls who liked her gave him was worth the show in the end.

***

Their sixth year ended in a crash.

Albus Dumbledore died. The man who was the protector of Hogwarts and was supposed to be the person who kept Voldemort out was gone. The light soon left Hogwarts, and when the students returned for their seventh year, everything had changed.

Professor Snape was their headmaster, and Lavender was lucky enough to be a pure-blood witch and therefore allowed to return, unlike some of her classmates. She was lucky enough to blend in with the crowd and not be seen as anyone special. She was lucky enough to dodge punishment by the Carrows, to avoid hurting others. But she was restless, she needed to do something.

When the DA started recruiting people by painting on school property she was exhilarated. She made her way to the Room of Requirement and she was able to finally do something. But the others still didn't see her. They still thought she was stupid, girly Lavender. Good for nothing Lavender. Air-headed, melodramatic Lavender Brown, whose only accomplishment was needing a proper bathroom and therefore forcing the Room of Requirement to create one.

She decided to prove them wrong.

***

Pansy chose her side long before Dumbledore died.

It was easy, really, seeing as everybody who mattered to her was on one side, on the (hopefully) winning side of the war. She supported Draco when he was forced to take the mark, supported him when he was supposed to kill Dumbledore. Pansy supported him when he felt like he couldn't continue to be a Death Eater, when he had a break down because that wasn't _ him _ , he wasn't _ evil _ , he _ didn't want _ to kill or torture people.

Pansy never even considered taking the mark. She didn't want to have a reminder of it if her side wouldn't win. She was practical, she was realistic, and the chances of Potter defeating Voldemort were too real to not take any safety measures in case she was on the losing side.

She never took the mark, but that didn't mean that she didn't work with the Death Eaters. She was one of many students who gave every information they were able to gather to their side. She was one of the few who actually gathered information she wasn't supposed to have, she wasn't the Gossip Queen for nothing after all.

***

Pansy and Lavender still didn't like each other, but they needed each other.

Pansy was well aware of the fact that the blonde nuisance worked with the DA. It was obvious from the way she interacted with the Weaslette and Loony. They rarely communicated, but when they did it was in hushed tones and long meaningful glances. They couldn't have been more obvious about having a secret, and Pansy was keen on uncovering it.

Lavender wasn't stupid. She knew that her interactions with Ginny and Luna were obvious, they basically screamed that they had a secret, which was unacceptable in a school under the command of You-Know-Who. It was Lavender's idea. Ginny was less than happy to go along with it when Lavender suggested it, but they didn't have a better plan.

_ “We could make it obvious, you know,” Lavender said. _

_ She sat at the back of the crowd. She blended in, as usual. She was surprised that Ginny had heard her the first time, she was used to having to repeat herself when she wanted people to actually listen. _

_ “What do you mean?” Ginny asked, her brow slightly furrowed. _

_ They tried to come up with a plan on how to spy on the Death Eaters from inside the school for a while now. They already had a few disillusioned DA members keeping an eye on the corridors, noting down the ever changing patterns of the Death Eaters who patrolled the corridors. _

_ “What I said. We could make it obvious that we have a secret to keep. They'll know that it's about the DA if Gryffindors are involved. It'll probably draw one of their spies out and we can use that as means to spy on them,” Lavender explained. She was aware that everybody's eyes were on her. Ginny's widened in surprise, Neville's narrowed in thought, Luna's were dreamy as ever. The rest of the DA gave off an uneasy aura. _

_ “That's dangerous. We would have to let information slip, which could make us vulnerable,” Ginny objected, her eyes going from wide to narrowed. Her eyebrows were furrowed. _

_ “And we'd need someone whom the Death Eaters wouldn't suspect as spy,” Neville added. _

_ “Someone who blends in?” Lavender asked, her head slightly tilted. _

_ “Not only,” Neville replied. _

_ “Someone allegedly stupid. Someone who seems to trust too fast. Someone supposedly easy,” Lavender inquired, her head tilted as she rose one eyebrow at Neville. He smiled at her. _

_ “Are you sure about this?” he asked, immediately grasping that Lavender was talking about herself. _

_ “Yup,” she agreed, returning his smile. _

_ “What are you talking about?” Ginny asked, obviously irritated. _

_ “We have our spy,” Neville replied, motioning at Lavender. _

_ Ginny looked at the blonde before she gave Neville a long inquiring look. Finally she sighed. “You've got to be kidding me,” she mumbled. _

***

“Brown,” Pansy said as she sat down next to the Gryffindor in their shared Dark Arts class.

Lavender schooled her expression into one of irritation and surprise.

“Parkinson,” she replied, a hint of fear lacing her voice.

Carrow entered the classroom, his usual nasty smirk in place. His dark hair was oily and his pallid skin had a sickly tint to it. His teeth were more yellow than they were white, some entirely missing. He couldn't be much older than forty and yet his skin was as pasty as the skin of an eighty year old man. He looked disgusting and his character and voice weren't any better.

“Today's lesson will cover Fiendfyre,” Carrow said, his high voice sounding as if it would break at any moment.

The rest of the lesson was theoretical. It was one of the few lessons during which Neville didn't have a chance to get himself into trouble. Before the lesson was over Carrow promised them a practical demonstration of the cursed fire during their next lesson.

***

It's been two weeks since Pansy decided that she would sit next to Lavender in most of their shared classes, earning interested glances from some students and cautious ones from the rest. She hadn't bothered to initiate conversation outside of the classroom, she felt like it would be too rash after only two weeks. Apparently Lavender didn't share her opinion.

“Okay, what are you trying to archive?” Lavender asked as she sat down across from Pansy. They were in a secluded section of the library, old dusty books about Transfiguration surrounding them.

“Whatever are you talking about, Brown?” Pansy retorted, one eyebrow up as she glanced up from her parchment. She was currently doing their Potions assignment, trying to seem as normal of a student as possible.

“Why are you sitting next to me in class? It's not like we ever interacted before,” Lavender pointed out, her arms folded across her chest. She felt like she actually succeeded in playing the shallow Gryffindor that people took her for.

“I took pity on you. Now that your pet and her twin disappeared you did seem a bit lonely. I guess my pity was misplaced,” Pansy replied, sounding as haughty as ever.

Lavender furrowed her brow. “So you just … wanted to be nice?” she asked, sounding as if she were unable to comprehend the mere idea of a Slytherin doing something nice.

Pansy met her confused look with a tired one. She rose one eyebrow as she offered Lavender an exhausted smile.

“Huh,” Lavender mumbled, looking at Pansy. She had to admit that the Slytherin played her part pretty well. She tilted her head slightly as she watched Pansy, who'd returned to working on her essay. Potions essay judging by the book she occasionally glanced at for reference. Lavender knew that she had to initiate the next step.

“Would you mind if I stayed here?” she asked after a few minutes of silence between them. Pansy looked up at her, shrugging with one shoulder to imply that she didn't care before she returned to her essay. Lavender nodded to herself, getting out parchment and a book herself. Divination. She opened 'Unfogging the future' and settled to writing her essay on the difference between reading the stars and merely observing them.

***

“Anything to report?” Draco asked Pansy when she sat down next to him in the Slytherin common room. He was pale, paler than usual. He rarely smiled anymore, and if he smiled it was a strained one. She missed spending quality time with Draco, just gossiping and making fun of the Golden Trio.

“I made progress with Brown. She seems to believe that I don't want to hurt her,” Pansy replied, leaning against him. She tilted her head so it rested on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

“Hmm,” Draco hummed in approval, relaxing as he wrapped an arm around Pansy. They sat like that for a while, taking comfort in each other's presence. It was rare that they were able to have a moment like that, a moment to simply breathe and relax.

“I can't wait for this to be over,” Pansy mumbled as she straightened up again. Her and Draco smiled at each other for a short moment, their smiles hollow.

“Neither can I,” Draco agreed.

***

“She called you my pet,” Lavender said, smiling slightly at Parvati's put off grimace which slowly turned into one of anger.

“That little bitch,” she seethed as Lavender laughed.

“I think Trelawney misses you,” the blonde replied, smiling at her friend.

Parvati sighed. “I miss her too. Divination always was my favourite class.”

“It's a pity you have to stay here in order to stay at Hogwarts,” Lavender said, smile turning sad.

“But at least I'm here at all. Mum and dad wouldn't have allowed us to return if it weren't for Padma's unbeatable logic,” Parvati replied, shrugging slightly.

“Thank Godric for Padma's smarts,” Lavender agreed, squeezing her friend's hand.

***

“Brown.”

“Parkinson.”

It's been almost two months now. Pansy and Lavender sat next to each other in all of their shared classes. They spent a few hours in the library each day, doing their homework and writing essays. They even started helping the other when she was obviously stuck.

But they still didn't make any progress, not really. Lavender decided that had to change. It was January and most of the DA members already gave up on her plan, entertaining new possibilities to spy on the Death Eaters. The only ones who still supported Lavender and seemed to understand that building a relationship with your enemy took _ time _ were Neville, Parvati, Luna, and Padma. Time they didn't have, that was true, but time nonetheless.

Lavender sighed, putting her quill down. She buried her face in her hands, taking a few deep breaths as if she tried to stop herself from crying. And she didn't even have to act all that much. She really felt like crying.

She was scared for her cousins, who were not only little but also half-bloods. She hadn't heard of them ever since she left for Hogwarts. The mail was being intercepted and she was sure that she wouldn't receive mail from her aunt and uncle, her uncle was muggle-born after all. Her mother's sister had married him only three years ago, they were all so happy back then. And now they were in danger of being killed because of their freaking blood-status. It was stupid if you really thought about it.

Pansy sighed. “What is it?” she finally asked, putting her quill down as well.

She knew that the next step in hers and Lavender's relationship couldn't be initiated by herself. Lavender would have surely been suspicious if Pansy would have tried anything. But it had taken the Gryffindor incredibly long to show any sign of distress to which Pansy could react. Way longer than her reputation suggested.

Lavender jerked from her thoughts, sitting up straight in a moment's notice. She blinked rapidly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and forcing a smile on her face. She actually felt miserable now. It wasn't hard during times of war.

“It's nothing really,”she mumbled, looking down.

Pansy looked at her. She could push and alienate Lavender or push and get her to trust Pansy. Or she could leave her be an go safe but waste an opportunity. Pansy knew that she didn't have the time to play it safe, it could be months before an opportunity like that presented itself again.

“I'm not going to judge,” Pansy replied lowly, giving Lavender her complete attention.

Lavender met Pansy's inquiring gaze, surprised by the softness of it. But it surely only was an act, Lavender knew that the Slytherin couldn't mean what her eyes conveyed. She couldn't mean that she genuinely cared, that she wouldn't judge Lavender by her family's actions, that she would try to understand.

Only because she was sure that Pansy couldn't mean it Lavender decided to tell her. She had the opportunity to make the Slytherin believe that she fell for her trick. She could act like she trusted Pansy.

“I'm worried for my family. My aunt married a muggle-born. They have children, and I don't know how they are. I don't know if they're still alive,” Lavender replied, her voice low, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. The tears were genuine and Lavender hated it.

“I …” Pansy wasn't sure how to reply.

She knew that the Browns were blood traitors. Their common surname suggested that there had been a marriage with a muggle at some point, but nobody could prove anything, which is why they were considered pure-blooded by most. But she never expected to be confronted with the worry Lavender felt, she wasn't quite sure how to react.

“I'm sorry,” Pansy finally said. She wasn't even lying, not really at least. She was sorry that the girl across from her didn't know if her family was alive and well, she didn't want to be in the same position. It was their fault for choosing the wrong side, of course, but she still felt sorry. Sort of.

Pansy cautiously extended her hand, not sure whether she went too far with the gesture.

“Thanks,” Lavender replied, a sad smile on her face as she put her hand in Pansy's.

It was worth the risk.

***

“I hate this,” Draco mumbled, walking up and down in front of the couch on which Pansy sat. They were alone in the Slytherin common room, they made sure of that before Pansy settled down in front of the fire.

“You could quit,” Pansy suggested. She'd entertained the thought for a while now. It was February and it didn't look like they were any closer to winning this battle. She just wanted out, to be honest. She wanted to get away, start a  life as a person who didn't chose between light and dark, as someone new and independent. But she was scared of doing so alone.

“I cannot,” Draco replied, sitting down next to her. He buried his face in his hands, sighed with exhaustion.

“Why?” Pansy asked. It wasn't the first time they had this conversation either. It was the first time that both of them wanted out though, the first time they both even took the coward's way into consideration.

“My parents. He's going to kill my mother if I don't comply,” Draco replied, his voice strained.

“I can't leave her,” he added.

“I know,” Pansy replied.

Maybe the side they chose didn't matter, not really, at least. They were in danger of losing their families and their loved ones anyway.

***

“Do you ever think about leaving it all behind?” Pansy asked, not sure what possessed her to voice the thought out loud. She and Lavender were in their usual corner of the library. They wouldn't be overheard, that much was sure.

“Just … drop everything and run?” Lavender asked, a look of surprise flitting across her features as she met Pansy's inquiring gaze.

Pansy nodded. She wasn't even sure how this discussion could further their relationship in any way. She didn't know why she wanted to have it, why she gave a shit what Lavender had to say on the subject.

“It's the coward's way out,” Lavender pointed out, a look of mild disgust resting on her face.

“It's the sure way to survive,” Pansy retorted, returning to her schoolwork.

***

“They're alive,” Pansy said out of nowhere.

Lavender looked up from her Transfiguration essay, one eyebrow up.

“Your aunt, uncle and cousins. They're alive,” Pansy clarified.

Lavender's eyes widened in genuine surprise. A hopeful smile lightened up her features as she leaned across the tabletop subconsciously.

“How do you know?” she asked.

Pansy leaned closer as well, smiling slightly, “I talked to Draco and he found out for me.”

Lavender looked shocked for a short moment before she smiled widely, pulling Pansy close as she embraced her over the desk. It was an awkward and uncomfortable hug, but it felt nice. It took Pansy way too long to comprehend what was happening, and before she had a chance to react Lavender retreated, still smiling as she looked at her.

“Thank you,” Lavender said softly, her gaze fond.

“Don't mention it,” Pansy finally said, keeping her voice low in order to keep it from breaking. She didn't know _ what _ she expected, but it surely wasn't that.

***

“You don't trust her, do you?” Ginny asked, one eyebrow up as she scanned Lavender's face. Her eyes shone way too brightly and she was incredibly hopeful. Not that hope and happiness were a bad thing, it just didn't make sense in the middle of a war.

“Of course I don't. But why would she lie about that?” she retorted. Lavender knew why, she wasn't stupid. But she wanted to believe Pansy, wanted to believe that her family was safe after all.

“To gain your trust, that's why,” Ginny voiced Lavender's thoughts.

“And I don't trust her, but why shouldn't I be allowed to hope that my family is fine and that she actually told me the truth?” Lavender asked, her smile completely gone by now.

“Just … don't trust her, okay?” Ginny asked, an anxious sigh escaping her.

“I won't,” Lavender confirmed.

She wasn't sure whether she was lying or not.

***

“I could help you to get out,” Lavender said, not looking up from her essay as she spoke.

She knew that Pansy heard her, knew that she got her attention by the way her quill stopped scraping over the parchment, by the feeling of Pansy's gaze resting on her.

“Why?” Pansy asked.

“Because you're not horrible and deserve a chance,” Lavender replied, looking up to meet Pansy's suspicious gaze.

“I thought it was the coward's way.”

“Doesn't mean it's the worst way.”

***

“Get out of here! Now!” Lavender said, holding the door open as she ushered the first year Ravenclaws out of their detention. Neville had stupefied Carrow and was now carrying the girl who'd passed out from the Cruciatus while Lavender kept the rest of the kids close. Ginny locked the door with increasingly complicated spells to keep Carrow off their track for a while and to give Lavender and Neville enough time to get the kids back to safety.

They met Luna at the stairs which lead up to Ravenclaw tower and the dreamy girl took Lavender's place.

“I'll help get the Gryffindors back to safety,” Lavender informed them, leaving after receiving nods of confirmation.

Lavender took a few deep breaths, calming herself.

“Expecto Patronum,” she whispered, watching in wonder and fascination as a dolphin came out of the end of her wand, hovering before her. “To Parvati Patil. I'm helping the Phoenixes, I'll stay in the tower. Be safe.” Lavender said before she flicked her wand and sent the message off. The mammal seemed to swim before it vanished in thin air.

Lavender nodded to herself and made her way towards Gryffindor Tower, her steps silenced by a spell. She was about to walk into the corridor which lead up to the portrait of the Fat Lady when she was tugged into an alcove, a hand over her mouth.

“Don't scream, it's me,” Pansy whispered. Lavender shivered at the feeling of Pansy's breath against her ear, nodding in confirmation that she wouldn't scream. Pansy slowly eased her hand off Lavender's mouth, Lavender faced her without making a sound. She leaned in.

“What's wrong?” she asked lowly.

“They know that you're freeing the first years. Draco is trying to catch the rest of your lions before Amycus does,” Pansy replied, “Quiet now, someone is keeping an eye on your portrait. They're supposed to leave in ten minutes tops.”

Lavender looked at Pansy who looked past her, keeping her eyes on the corridor as she whispered incarnations under her breath, waving and flicking her wand.

“Why are you helping us?” Lavender asked lowly, her brow slightly furrowed.

Pansy finished her incantations and sighed slightly, turning to look at Lavender.

“I don't know,” Pansy replied, looking at her.

Lavender looked at her for a few more moments, scanning the dark eyes which returned her inquiring look. Pansy seemed to be genuine, she didn't look like she had anything bad in mind. And Lavender was inclined to believe her, at least for now, at least until they were back in their common rooms.

“Okay,” Lavender mumbled, nodding slightly.

They were silent after that, the air between them filled with tension. Tension due to the threat lurking around the corner, tension due to the fear of being discovered, tension due to them being so close in such a small place.

“You have freckles,” Pansy pointed out.

She'd never noticed before, probably because Pansy never stood as close to Lavender before. The freckles were orange-ish, bringing out the blue of Lavender's eyes. Pansy thought it looked pretty, Lavender looked pretty.

Lavender felt the blood rising to her cheeks, she rose one of her hands and stroked over her cheek, her eyes focusing on a point somewhere above Pansy's head.

“I know,” Lavender mumbled.

Pansy smiled slightly, poking Lavender to get her to look at her. The blonde squeaked and Pansy snorted when wide blue eyes met hers.

“They're cute.”

“They're … you're kidding, right?”

“Do I look like I'm kidding?”

“Not particularly.”

Pansy rolled her eyes and chanced another glance to the side, checking the corridor. And this time it wasn't empty. Crabbe rounded the corner and walked past the alcove, not noticing anything out of order. The girls were frozen in place, waiting another few moments, until the sound of Crabbe's steps faded. With a sigh Pansy flicked her wand, taking down the protective spells around them. The girls walked into the hallway and looked around, Lavender checking whether the Fat Lady was fine.

“I'll go and get Draco and your lions.”

Lavender nodded, smiling slightly. “Okay, tell them I'll wait for them.”

“Will do,” Pansy confirmed before she jogged down the hallway, vanishing around a corner moments later.

***

“They what?” Neville asked.

“Malfoy and Parkinson helped us. When I came looking for the Gryffindors they were in an unused classroom with Malfoy. They told me that he told Justin to return to his common room because the Death Eaters were about to patrol the entrances to Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. He promised to get them back to the tower safely,” Ginny recounted.

“And did he?” Luna asked.

“He did. He accompanied me, and on our way we met who Parkinson told us that Lavender was waiting near the portrait for us,” Ginny replied.

Neville was silent at that. His brow was furrowed as he was obviously deep in thought.

“Pansy saved me from a confrontation with Crabbe,” Lavender commented.

“Did Parkinson ever mention that they wanted to change sides?” Neville asked.

Lavender shook her head. “No, but she mentioned that she wanted out. She's sick of all of this.”

Ginny pressed her lips together, furrowing her brow. Moments later she sighed.

“Aren't we all?”

***

“Your eyes remind me of home,” Lavender mumbled, her head tilted as she looked at Pansy who sat across from her.

“Do they, now?” Pansy asked, a hint of amusement lacing her voice as she looked up from her Dark Arts notes.

Lavender felt the blood rising to her cheeks. She hadn't meant to voice her observation.

“Yeah, the grass in our garden has the exact same shade of green around this time of the year,” she elaborated, “Our garden always used to be my favourite place in April.”

“I'll take that as a compliment.”

“Please do,” Lavender mumbled, looking down at her Potions book.

***

“What's keeping you here?” Pansy asked. It was one of the few times her and Lavender were finished with their schoolwork before it was time to leave for dinner.

Lavender shrugged. “I feel obligated to stay, I guess. To fight. I'm a Gryffindor, Gryffindors always fight.”

“Unless they're Death Eaters like Pettigrew.”

“Even then. He may have betrayed his friends but he still fought. Even if it was for You-Know-Who.”

Lavender tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What's keeping you here?”

“Won't leave without Draco.”

“Doesn't he want to leave as well?” Lavender furrowed her brow.

Pansy nodded. “He does, but he can't. He can't risk You-Know-Who killing his mum as revenge for Draco's betrayal.”

Lavender hummed.

“I guess we're all stuck here, then.”

“I guess.”

***

“Why aren't we in the library?” Lavender asked.

Earlier that day someone had slipped Lavender a scrap of parchment. 'Meet me behind the greenhouses' it read. It was written in Pansy's cursive scrawl, so Lavender assumed that she was talking about the time when they'd usually meet in the library.

“Pansy?” Lavender whispered as she approached the shivering form leaning against the wall of a greenhouse. She knelt down next to Pansy, softly squeezing her arm.

“What happened?”

Pansy looked up, her eyes rimmed red. She'd been crying.

“Gringotts. Potter broke into Gringotts. They say that the battle will start soon. Probably this week. They took Draco away. They're preparing,” Pansy replied lowly, looking up at Lavender. Her breath came too fast, she was shaking when Lavender sat down next to her and draped an arm around her shoulders.

“But why-”

“Because I can't! I don't want this! I don't want to die! I don't want you to die!” Pansy interrupted, her voice bordering on hysterical as she screamed into her folded arms. A sob escaped her as she shook harder.

“I don't want to die either,” Lavender mumbled, trying to sound soothing. Her heart was beating way too fast and she felt dizzy, but she couldn't have a breakdown as well, not when Pansy was bordering on hyperventilation.

“I don't want you to die either,” Lavender added, rubbing her hand over Pansy's back.

They sat like that for a while, the sound of Pansy's slowly calming breathing and Lavender's beating heart being the only things Lavender took notice of. The wind was still, the heaven was heavy with thick grey clouds. It looked gloomy, like the world was about to end.

Pansy finally sighed, sitting up and leaning back against the wall of the greenhouse, Lavender retreating her arm and resting it between them. They looked up into the sky, each in their own little world.

“This is so fucked up,” Pansy said, a humourless laugh accompanying the statement.

“You have to be a bit more specific.”

Pansy snorted. “All of this. But especially this. Us.”

She motioned between them, not looking at Lavender who watched the brunette. She smiled slightly when Pansy turned to look at her, her gaze soft and calm.

“I don't know when I started trusting you,” Lavender mumbled when Pansy took her hand, squeezing it slightly.

“I don't know when I started liking you,” Pansy retorted.

Lavender snorted.

“That too.”

***

“But he's there! Potter's there! Someone grab him!”

Pansy's words echoed through the Great Hall, and the students immediately sided with Potter, sided against Slytherin. Again.

Pansy and Lavender exchanged a long glance when Slughorn lead the Slytherins into the dungeons.

“Stay safe,” Lavender mouthed, smiling sadly.

“Don't die,” Pansy replied.

***

“Where is she?” Pansy mumbled when she entered the Great Hall.

The portraits had told them that it was over, that Potter had defeated the Dark Lord. As soon as the message came Pansy organized the elder Slytherins to start guiding the rest of the younger students out of the dungeons. They had to reunite them with their families. Hufflepuffs, Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Slytherins – it didn't matter. All of them were in the dungeons when it became clear that evacuating everybody wasn't a possibility.

And now the younger students were with the Professors, with the Professors who were more than surprised when Pansy could tell them exactly who needed medical attention, who had family that fought at Hogwarts and wanted to go looking for them, who just wanted to leave.

“Who?” someone near her asked. It was Loony, Loony Lovegood, the crazy Ravenclaw.

“Brown. Where is Lavender?”

Luna tilted her head, a wistful look glazing her eyes. “Parvati looks over her. She didn't make it.”

Pansy's heart skipped a beat. The words not quite registering even as she answered.

“I told her not to die.”

Her voice broke. This couldn't be happening.

Luna smiled sadly.

“I'm sorry,” Luna said as she squeezed her shoulder in consolation, as she squeezed her shoulder in passing.

And Pansy felt like her world was crumbling again.


End file.
